Coffee-Direct Similar retailers Get cashback. Get cashback. In the notes section, say what you ordered. You'll also get a free Belvita Breakfast Biscuit with that free coffee. They've only got juice and like, those pre-juice orbs with seeds. Get a buy-one-get-one-free deal on a ounce cold brew protein smoothie through the Nekter Juice Bar app. Le Pain Quotidien The deal: All 99 locations will offer you a free cup of coffee if you bring your own mug into the store. It's a good day to be on the road.
Though, you're going to need a smartphone to redeem the offer. Coffee Day is the best day. Corner Bakery The deal: Make any purchase and the Corner folks will set you up with a free coffee or cold brew When: September 29 — October 1. Kolache Factory The deal: Grab a coupon from the Kolache Factory website you can just show it on your phone to get a free ounce coffee in any flavor that tickles your fancy. Atlas Coffee Club The deal: Use the code "AtlasCoffeeDay19" to get your first ounce bag of single-origin coffee for free with any subscription. Bojangles The deal: Participating locations are serving up coffee in any size for just a buck.
When: Through December When: September 29 — October 1. Feel the caffeine. When: September 29, am and pm. Applebee's The deal: Every Sunday of the NFL season, Applebee's is going to waive delivery fees because you don't want to drive somewhere at halftime to pick up your wings. When: Sundays through December Hopefully it pairs nicely with cheese and pizza sauce. The offer is part of the slider hub's Winning Waffle promotion. For all YOU know, you're not even in Vegas!
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All you see are dark panels of wood, a ring of metal, and some kind of barrel-esque top. Wait a minute.
Are you trapped in the barrel!? That's when the panic sets it.
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You can't quite make out the words, but it doesn't matter because the voices are now drowned out by the sounds of a rickety chainsaw sputtering to life. You're pretty sure this is all part of the act, but dang if you're heart's not beating out your chest. And that's when it happens: light crashes into the darkness of the barrel as the whole thing falls to pieces. Penn AND Teller take you by the hand to help you out.
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You don't even notice that they've cut you clean in half. You don't even care! There you are, legs stage left and torso rolling around on the floor, and you'll be darned if you don't feel brand new again. As you start to process the whole wild adventure, Penn begins uttering a string of incantations in a voice as elemental as the roiling core of the earth itself.
And that's it. There you are, looking up from your watch, sitting in your original seat, legs and torso intact.
But what's this? Now you're the only one in the theater. It's nothing but you and the barrel now. You don't know it yet, but it's forty years later, the theater has been abandoned, and your children are grown. They will never understand what you've been through, just as you will never fully comprehend the impact your disappearance had on their formative years. But none of that matters now. You haven't aged and it's the future. Plus, like we said, you still don't know about how it's 40 years later yet. As you stumble out of the empty theater still reeling, a panic creeps across your chest.
Where is my family? Who is the president?
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Do we even have presidents anymore? It's then that an elderly bellhop, wizened and stooped as a gnarled oak, shuffles up to you. He lays his hand on your shoulder and you swear you can hear the crinkling of his vellum skin. It is Penn. In perhaps the reediest voice you've ever heard, he says, "Listen. I can't even remember if I'm the one who talked or didn't talk in our act, and even though I can access Future Wikipedia through my in-brain Bio-WiFi, I just don't really have the time or inclination to do it. I'm old and I don't need the world's super-computer to tell me what I don't know.
Besides, I haven't paid my Internet bill to Cyborg-Corp in months, so probably it doesn't even work anyway.
That's not the point. The point is this: You were the man we sawed in half.